Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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