Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
