just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
