He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
