I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
