apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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