walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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