are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
