wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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