I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
