yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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