Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
