And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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