I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
