Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
