Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
