I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
