Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
