People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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