like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
