Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
