Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Even my vagina gasped.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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