I want to have your abortion
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
