apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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