you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
