therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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