how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
