woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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