Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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