peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
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As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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