Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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