I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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