:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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