I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
