My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
