Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
