Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
