Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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