my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
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doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
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I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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