Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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