I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
