Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize