Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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