she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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