So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
