this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
