oh god the rape fog is back!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
