why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I am midnight drunk by noon
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
