Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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