Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
