now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
