Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
