I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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