when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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