tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
