that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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