I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
