How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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