then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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