I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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