Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
