this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
