she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
