i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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