So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
