Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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