new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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