i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
