I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
