What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
