This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
