i think i have herpe
just one?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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