when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
