that's an acceptable place to lick
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
